Things I Learned from a 100-Year-Old Woman

"We know what we've heard, and we know what we've read, but there's not one of us that knows who's running that machinery."

"He was tearing up old Ned and knocking down old Jack."

"Just like the dog's tail: I'm always behind."

"You've got to have a weak mind and a strong back to make it in this world, and that's just the way it is."

"Still waters run deep, but the Devil's at the bottom."

"The snow was knee high to a tall indian."

"Oh, boy, that Bush is sure on the tree."

"Been around the pee pot lookin' for the handle for a long time."

"My husband had me pregnant every nine months and 30 minutes

"Well, it's better than kissing a pig."

"Well, you've got to root hog or die!" (Said when you've had a terrible time accomplishing something.)

"She just never had any pizerinktum."

"It's a short life but it takes a long time to go through it."

"He used to keep that car as shiney as Chicago shit house."

"He was as tight as the skin on a grape."

"You're flyin' around like a pig turd in a Nebraska blizzard."

"You're as handy as a shirt pocket!"

"I don't think she would have wiped her feet on him, he meant that little to her."

"Don't that just beat the Dutch?"

"It's a good thing I wasn't there, 'cuz I'd've had to go over and tear his feathers out!"

"Oh boy! Chicken dinner and dance!"

"You can't beat out what's in the blood."

"If it's not one thing, it's two!"

"If those were my boys [that were killed in the Iraq war], I'd go in and raise old 'Billy be damned' about them lettin' my boy die!"

"You're never gonna meet a good looking man who dresses nice and walks around with a smile on his face all the time who's any darn good! I should know because i married him!"

"I learned a long time ago that what's fair don't have nuthin' to do with life."